Thanks, I hate it.

"Stealthy" Dwarf?

WTF, Disney

Kitchen Nightmares

From Imaginerding, a Disney mail-order catalog from 1986.

Best Worst Movie

Slate revisits The Black Cauldron, and doesn't hate it.

Don't watch this video. Just don't.

The worst thing ever on television, ever: The 1989 Academy Awards show starring Rob Lowe and Snow White.

Strike out

My fantasy team is struggling right now, so forgive me if I'm not overly enthusiastic about this soulless attempt at corporate branding and "collectibility." But anyway, here's some Mickey Mouses with MLB logos all over em:


Via The Disney Blog

F**k you, Penguin.

In the spirit of the excellent blog Armagideon Time and its recurring feature Nobody's Favorites, I'd like to shine a spotlight on one of the lesser-known, lesser-loved Disney Characters:

PRINCE MOTHER F**KING PENGUIN.

You may ask yourself, "who?" Good question. As near as I can tell, this poor man's Mr. Freeze (or poor man's Penguin, I guess) only appeared in three comics, Mickey Mouse Adventures #11, #12 and #14.

Pengy, as I call him, was a major player in the Mystery Weaponeer Saga, teaming with Pete and a mystery supervillain* to try and take down Mouseton. This multi-part story was written by Marv Wolfman and drawn by the great Mike Royer (old favorite Stephen DeStephano drew P.P.'s first appearance in MMA #11).

Pengy's gimmick is that he likes things cold, but he shivers all the time, even though he's a penguin and presumably used to cold weather.


He collects all things beautiful. And yet he's into Minnie Mouse for some reason.
Prince Penguin came to Mouseton, where culture is appreciated. Mouseton! What's the matter, the Cleveland Library lend out its book?**

Yeah, good luck with that, buddy. If the greatest supervillain of all time The Goddamn Phantom Blot couldn't exterminate the Mouse, then you and your wispy moustache and your medals and your walruses and your rugged good looks don't have a chance in hell.

In conclusion, Prince Penguin sucks.

*Emil Eagle, natch

** Bazinga!

Nuff Said

Spider-Man editor Stephen Wacker is A-OK in my book. Any friend of Condorman is a friend of mine.

From Amazing Spider-Man #619, on sale now.


EDIT: J Caleb Mozzocco has more on the subject here.

Burn down Hot Topic

Remember back in the 90's, when it seemed like Disney had no idea what to do with The Nightmare Before Christmas? The only Nightmare tie-ins you could find were the soundtrack CD, a couple of books, and the Burger King watches. Rather than working against the property, though, the lack of merch was kind of cool; the lack of cheesy tie-ins made the movie felt more 'special' than all the other cartoon garbage out there. Nightmare was a movie for us, maaan!

Unfortunately, nothing gold can stay. The kids who were 6 or 7 in 1994 grew up and became teenagers... Broody, gothic, smeary eyeliner, emo teenagers with loads of disposable income. Just like that, the merchandising floodgates opened.

The following images are the result of a Google Image Search for "Nightmare Before Christmas Merchandise."












Believe me, there's a ton of Nightmare s**t out there; this is just scratching the surface. I tried collecting Nightmare stuff for a while, but it's just. too. much.
Don't believe me? Try it yourself!

I "Love" the 80's

I had this poster hanging on my wall as a kid, circa 1987. It would almost be embarrassing, if it wasn't such a succinct portrait of this horrible, horrible decade.

The Miami Vice suit. The Top Gun jacket. The Sony Walkman. The Hawaiian shirt. The Boom Box. This may be the single most 80's picture ever drawn by human hands. It's frickin beautiful, man.

Thank you, MoviePoster.com, for this blast from the past.

Two Times the Suck

1985 was not kind to The Walt Disney Company. In theaters, you had The Black Cauldron and Return to Oz, two movies that I liked but the rest of the world hated. In hockey arenas you had Disney on Ice starring Sport Goofy. And on television, you had The Wuzzles.

The Wuzzles, to put it mildly, sucked. Sucked hard.

A marketing gimmick disguised as a TV show, The Wuzzles existed solely to sell plush toys and other assorted crap. The cartoon only lasted thirteen lousy episodes, and boy were they lousy. Take a look at the opening sequence if you don't believe me:



As a kid I was obsessed with everything Disney, but this was too much even for me. I hate the Wuzzles.

The worst part is, early Gladstone issues of "Walt Disney's Comics and Stories" got infected with this junk. Here's a "story" from WDC&S 514, inexpertly scanned by yours truly. The art's nice and everything, but I can't get past the stupid, stupid concept. How could something be part lion and part bumblebee anyway? It doesn't make any sense. What are they, mutants? Refugees from The Island of Dr. Moreau? It's just stupid. Anyway, enjoy the comics.